The Mare Who Can't Be Moved

I mentioned yesterday in my post about the 2010 Kentucky Derby that we have a Derby Day party at my house every year. Part of this long-standing tradition is a little silly thing my equestrian friends and I like to do, which we call the Derby Day song. It started a few years ago when one our horses, Sparky (nicknamed Sparkalicious), got his own theme song: Fergalicious by Fergie. When I was bored one day, I started to rewrite the lyrics to that song to fit Sparky. It went something along the lines of Sparkalicious, definition make them mares crazy. They always claim they know him, coming to him, call him 'Blazey'. He's the S to the P, A, R, the K, the Y, and ain't no other gelding gonna be as fly. I even added in a little rap for Sparky himself, starting off: Ladies, ladies, ladies, if you really want me, honey get some ribbons. Maybe try to stop yo' cribbin'. For some reason, my friends and I felt the need to choreograph a dance and sing it at the top of our lungs at that year's Kentucky Derby party. The tradition began, and we've never looked back.

Over the years, I've gotten a reputation for my equestrian remakes. Besides "Sparkalicious," there was my version of Flo Rida's "Low" (She had them old riding jeans, the girth with the fur... The whole barn was lookin' at her.) And then came the two Danity Kane remakes... "Show Stopper" (Bet you ain't never seen girls jumping this clean. Henri de Rivel seats. We do it daily) and "Damaged" (Do you got a grooming kit handy? Do you know how to brush out a tail? Tell me. ... Cause his tail is damaged, damaged. So damaged. Just thought that I should let you know.)

So this year, there was much anticipation as to what the song would be. We didn't actually have a "concert," because the party was just a family affair this year. So for those of my friends who actually read this blog, this will be the first time I release this year's song and lyrics. Can I get a drum roll?

Our 2010 Derby Day song is The Script's "The Man Who Can't Be Moved." My parody has been appropriately dubbed "The Mare Who Can't Be Moved." It rightfully inspired my former post, If You Go, I Go, as I was hatching out the lyrics Wednesday night. And what are the lyrics, you ask?

Without further ado, I present both "The Man" and "The Mare Who Can't Be Moved."



"The Mare Who Can't Be Moved" lyrics

Turning back to the rollback that I just ran through
Got both my ears pinned back, I'm not gonna move,
Got your spurs in my sides, got my head in your hand,
Saying “If you jump this, girl, just please don’t let us crash land”,
But that fence looks funny, you don't understand,
I'm not bad, I'm just bad at jumping fans,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I jump strong when I’m not sure if I’ll pull through?

Cause sometimes I chip in and find I can’t feel my feet,
And my knees buckle under and I feel like I can’t breathe,
Thinking if I jump this it could be last thing I see,
And you feel me hesitating, like I’m trying to retreat

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

“Please,” you say, as I start to veer,
I said I can’t jump this anymore, not today, this month, this year,
Gotta stand my ground, you’ve only got reins you know
Whip me one more time, but oh I’m still not gonna go.

Cause sometimes I chip in and find I can’t feel my feet,
And my knees buckle under and I feel like I can’t breathe,
Thinking if I jump this it could be last thing I see,
And you feel me hesitating, like I’m trying to retreat

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People say the jump’s not high
I should just give it a whirl ...
Oohoohwoo
There are four poles in my view
But my knees refuse to curl...
Hmmmm

And maybe I'll get famous as the mare who can't be moved,
And maybe I won't mean to but I’ll try to refuse,
And I’ll just duck out at the corner...
Cause you know it’s what I do

I'm the mare who can't be moved
I'm the mare who can't be moved...

Cause sometimes I chip in and find I can’t feel my feet,
And my knees buckle under and I feel like I can’t breathe,
Thinking if I jump this it could be last thing I see,
And you feel me hesitating, like I’m trying to retreat

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the rollback that I just ran through
Ears pinned back, my feet implant; I'm not gonna move.