The Bad Horse List

Years ago, I found this wonderful website entitle "The Bad Horse List". Basically, it was a promise that bad horses made to their owners, swearing to be better behaved. It was hilarious, and I saved a copy on my hard-drive- which I stumbled across once again earlier this afternoon.

The Original Bad Horse List (Abridged Version)

If I look like a lady I should act like a lady.

I will not allow Gizmo to teach me how to remove my halter. It is bad enough that I let him teach me how to get out of the pasture...

I will not die if I can't get a peppermint immediately upon seeing my human.

I will not go insane when my human will not let me follow the mare of my dreams when she bolts.

I will not jump the fence and go frantically searching for my human.

I will not have an attitude problem. I won't I won't I won't.

I will not paw after I have already been yelled at, smacked, whacked with a towel, and threatened to become glue by my human.

If I must remove my blanket, I will not rip, tear, or somehow disfigure it. I shall undo all the clips with my teeth, fold it and leave it on the stall door with a note saying politely that I need a larger size so it will not squeeze my withers.

The water my human is washing me with is not going to eat me.

Horses cannot go through bars. I do not need to protect my food from the horse next door to me.

I will not do Lipizzaner impressions while my human is trying to trot me on the rail.

I am no longer a racehorse, I am no longer a racehorse, I am NO longer a racehorse.

I am a big girl...I can open my mouth and say "AH" for the bit.

I am not 100 years old, just 7, so therefore I will pick up my feet.

I am not a freight train.

I do not have amnesia...I really was an event horse before--I can jump 5'6" and I can do 3rd level Dressage...I promise I won't forget again.

I will remember that I'm a gelding.


Unfortunately, the original list was taken off the internet. But, I have located a newer (and longer) version. And when I say longer, I mean longer-- 42 pages of well-organized, horsey entertainment. It's definitely worth a look: http://www.badpets.net/BadPets/BadHorse/BadHorse.pdf

Find any good ones? Post them here!